Original air date: 09/18/2009
Is there a more unpleasant way to start an episode than with a Ronnie jumpscare?
Here he is giving advice on how to keep making sales during the financial crisis, which can basically be summarized by “customer service.”
Keasha speaks to my soul here, saying that they need to stop having meetings this early in the morning.
Enough of this freeze-dried toe. I am already sick of his face. Let’s get to the brides.
Hillary Makarski is paired with our beloved consultant Audrey. She never wanted a big wedding and desperately wanted to elope in Spain – an idea that was completely shut down by her mom.
Pam wants her daughter to have a big, traditional wedding – “the whole experience from soup to nuts whether she likes it or not.” Amazing! Unfortunately for Hillary, her fiancé Steve also wants a big wedding and made zero attempt to stick up for her.
And yeah! Hillary brought her fiancé, along with both of her parents and her brother. Evidently Steve has picked out all of her dresses for every formal occasion they have ever gone to.
Hillary is working with a $3,000 budget and she wants something sleek, simple, and slimming. Her mom wants her in something lacey and elaborate, and the pressure of the wedding is already giving Hillary a complex.
Hillary – to her surprise! – falls in love with this dress! But her entourage roundly rejects it. Steve calls it “slightly disappointing,” her mom says it’s too plain, and her brother doesn’t say a word. Let the record show that the only family member who liked this dress was Hillary’s dad.
Hillary and Audrey go through a few dresses that she rejects. Hillary starts to have a breakdown in the fitting room when her mom and Steve burst in.
They are absolutely shocked that she is crying (HOW??) and decide to take matter into their own hands.
That’s right: we’ve got a rogue mom in the stockroom.
Randy is not thrilled.
Hillary’s mom brings a dress back to the dressing room and immediately starts trying to get her daughter into it.
Audrey gets really miffed about this and snatches control of the fitting room back from her.
Since Hillary loved her second dress, Audrey puts her back into it. Once again, Hillary loves it.
A time-honored Kleinfeld’s tradition: adding a jazzy belt.
Her mom loves it, Hillary starts crying, and we have a delighted bride.
And finally: you can now see in this photo that Hillary wore bright blue Crocs for this entire damn appointment.
MOVING ON!
Our girl Nicole Sileo is here with her mom and she is panicked!! As she tells consultant Debbie, her wedding is in five weeks and she just found out that the bridal salon where she bought her dress is going out of business.
And Nicole has…… such a limited budget.
Just kidding. In the middle of the Great Recession her budget is $10,000 and she is having a formal, black-tie optional wedding. I actually respect it.
Debbie decides to start by putting Nicole back in her original dress and seeing if she still loves it.
Nicole likes the dress, but she doesn’t feel like a bride. Debbie starts pulling floor samples for Nicole to try on (luckily she’s a sample size) and she wants her to wear a few different silhouettes until she can see what she likes.
We have a few other duds that Nicole shoots down:
Debbie is completely out of ideas. She goes to Joan for help and Joan knows exactly what dress to pull.
And guess what. It’s perfect.
Let’s run down this drama queen of an alterations bride before we dip.
Lindsey is here to try on her wedding dress for the first time. Literally. She did not fit in the floor sample and has never tried on this dress before.
She’s having a big wedding and wants it to be elegant and timeless. Like all alterations brides, Lindsey is completely terrified by the fact that her dress doesn’t fit perfectly. Randy sweeps in like a glamorous and soothing wave to make her feel better.
“Hey gorgeous,” he says when he walks in. It’s not hello beautiful but it’s close. The Randy Fenoli persona is taking shape. Brides, Randy tells us, are scared and just need someone to tell them that everything is going to be okay.
The real drama comes on Lindsey’s wedding day, when her twin sister Rochelle (whom I did not previously mention) steps on her dress and RIPS IT!
Did my channel switch to BRAVO??
I am obsessed with these twins.
Final Score:
- Entourage that uniformly hates the dresses: +3 points
- Bride needs a dress in under 2 months: +7 points
- Brides budget is $10,000+: +10 points
- Manager Intervention: +5 points
- “Hello Beautiful”: +2 points
- Bride has a “bridal moment”: +5 for Hillary, +5 for Nicole, +5 for Lindsey
Total: 42/100
Bye beautiful! We will see you next time!
