Every episode of this show makes me grateful that I never went wedding dress shopping; instead, I ordered a vintage dress online and altered it. I actually like my mom and sister, and I don’t think there is a more fraught and emotional situation than shopping for the Biggest Day Of Your Life™. Thousands of words have been written – by much better writers than me – about mothers and daughters and insecurities and body image.
I firmly believe that Say Yes To The Dress and the invention of social media (specifically Instagram) is directly responsible for the exponential growth of the wedding industry, and the increasing pressure to find the perfect dress. Nothing makes an event seem more significant than it actually is like creating an entire television show based around purchasing a single garment. Every scene is dedicated to the consultants reinforcing how important this dress is, how you should have a magical bridal moment when you wear it. Frankly, when you create this environment and add a mother/daughter relationship that already seems challenging, you’re just pouring gasoline on a fire.
Which brings us to Marie.
Marie is an extremely sweet bride, and she brought her mother and her sister to her appointment. Marie isn’t really sure what she wants. She’s brought some printouts, but her consultant Keasha immediately notices that “she’s a little all over the place.”
Marie’s mom immediately tells her that Dress #1 makes her “look like an artichoke.” When it’s apparent that Marie actually likes the dress, the mom switches tactics to being passive aggressive, and hits her with, “if you love the dress, and you want to look like a white artichoke, then get the dress.” WOW.
Everyone hates Dress #2, and Dress #3 is immediately dismissed as “Victorian.”
Marie’s mom spends the entire appointment making these faces, talking about how she would never wear any of these dresses, and making snarky comments to Marie’s sister. At one point, when Keasha asks her, “What do you want to see her in?” she responds, “whatever she wants,” and immediately turns to the sister to mutter, “they want me to cry over my 37 year old baby.”
Marie’s sister doesn’t really speak, but she laughs at everything the mom says and both of them do a great job of making Marie feel horrible about herself.
At this point, Marie starts to cry. She really thinks it’s the dress. Elise comes in to try and give her support, and save the sale.
This is the face of a woman who knows she isn’t getting this dress. I think she’s also realizing how painful this process is going to be for her. Marie asks Keasha and Elise if they can think about it, and they never return to Kleinfeld’s.
Meanwhile, Elise is trying to salvage a different, very expensive sale.
Ohhhh boy. So, Kim has designed a custom gown with Pnina Tornai and she is not happy. Somehow, her $18,700 gown got “lost in translation” and she’s upset that the bodice “isn’t see-through.” Kim hates lace and is shooting down every option that Elise gives her, refusing to believe that what she wants is physically impossible to make.
Elise manages to get Kim to try on a different Pnina Tornai gown, and see if she might like that one instead.
Luckily for Elise, Kim appears to have no budget whatsoever and she decides to drop another $27,000 on this dress instead, with the specific stipulation that she cannot make any alterations to it.
When Kim comes back, guess what! She wants to make changes! She’s decided that she hates the lace skirt and she wants it to be all tulle instead. Despite the best efforts of her dad to talk her out of it, Kim is not going to be persuaded. Everyone caves and she gets her tulle skirt, with the lace reused as a shawl. I get the sense this happens a lot to Kim.
Kim’s dad promises that she’s going to be back with another change. This man seems exhausted.
Finally, we’ve got an alterations bride.
Elberta, who goes by El, is a real sweetie. Since we can’t have nice things on Say Yes To The Dress, her best friend and stylist, Stephanie, is an actual monster. El says that Stephanie is “controlling and overpowering… but it doesn’t bother me in the least.” Are you sure about that El?
Stephanie is immediately nitpicking the fit of the dress – misunderstanding what a fitting is, apparently – calling the bustle a “sloppy mess” and explaining to the seamstress that everything she is doing is wrong.
I hate this bitch. This seamstress is about one hundred times more patient than me. This right here is why I do not do bridal.
Like are you kidding me.
El comes back for her final fitting and the dress fits perfectly. Again, I’m glad I wasn’t there, because I don’t think I could have held my tongue.
Anyway, here’s El’s final dress, she looks very cute. She’s having an outdoor sunset ceremony in New Mexico (where she lives) and I want the best for her. Also, stop being friends with Stephanie.
I’m not sure what the lesson of this episode is. Don’t trust your friends or family because they all secretly hate you? Sure. Why not.
Final Score:
- Entourage that hates the dresses – +3 points
- Nightmare Bridesmaid – +4 points
- Pnina Tornai designs a custom gown – +5 points
- Bride wants to be a princess – +3 points
- Manager Intervention – +5 points
- Bride’s budget is over $10K – +10 points
- Mom body shames her daughter – +5 points
Total Score: 35/100
I hope everyone has a more supportive family than everyone in this show! Bye beautiful!
