SYTTD: S3, E5 – “Playing Dress Up”

Welcome back to the tulle-and-rhinestone hell ruled by the cruel overlord, Pnina Tornai, that is Kleinfeld’s Bridal. We begin with a “staff meeting” all about dealing with difficult groups. Thank you TLC for quickly establishing the theme of this episode. Joan tells the consultants to grab a manger if they’re having trouble with a group. Randy advises that they recognize who is in power and who is controlling the situation, and partner with them in order to regain control of the appointment.

Our first bride is Lauren Lupario, and she is paired with consultant Sarah. Lauren has brought seven people to her appointment, but the only one that matters is her aunt and godmother Roberta. Roberta is buying the dress. Lauren’s only criteria for the dress is that it’s “elegant.”

Despite working with very little information, Sarah gets to work pulling dresses.

Our girl Lauren loves the first dress, but it’s shot down by Roberta. Absolutely no one likes Dress #2, but they show the group anyways to “cleanse the palette” – and it works, with Roberta already reconsidering the first dress.

Dress #3 is a surprise hit with the group! Lauren’s mom think it’s a little plain, but Randy swoops in with a headpiece and we officially have a bridal moment. Lauren starts crying, Roberta starts crying, and everyone leaves happily.

Next up we’ve got Grace and I swear to god she was made for this show. Not only do we have an unlimited budget alert, but her wedding is in a month. This bride already had a dress custom designed and made for her. So why is she here at Kleinfeld’s?

Grace informs her consultant Audrey that two weeks ago, she went to a friends wedding and had “major dress envy.” Her fiancé, Tate Chalk (his real name somehow), is a shoe designer and Grace needs a “dress to impress.” Specifically, she wants Pnina Tornai. Why not!

Sensing that Tate’s opinion is the most important one, Audrey takes him – and their friend Kevin, who never once speaks in this episode – shopping.

Here’s what we learn about Tate: he doesn’t like strapless, he thinks it should be “big but not too big” and he wants Grace to look “stunning and beautiful.”

Tate’s biggest complaint about Dress #1 is that the flower is too big (agreed.) He doesn’t like Dress #2 for reasons that I’m really not clear on. Dress #3 is cut because – and I’m quoting Grace here – she is “too blessed in the Northern region to pull this off.”

Tate agrees.

Grace is in love with Dress #4 and Tate is being weirdly non-committal about his feelings. Finally, he tells her that she looks absolutely beautiful in it and Grace says yes to the dress.

I think she looks very nice!

Finally, we have Nicole, and things get problematic. Her bridesmaids and sorority sisters have surprised her with a girls weekend in New York. Keasha immediately suspects that they are here to play dress-up and have no intention of buying a dress, and pulls Nicole in for help.

Nicole says that there are three major signs that a group is just here for fun:

1. They leave mom at home
2. They bring a lot of friends
3. The friends pull a lot of dresses

Keasha says that she wants to give Nicole the best experience possible even though she knows this sale isn’t happening, and she really gives it the old college try here. Keasha is a better person than me. This is why I’m not a bridal consultant.

Our girl Nicole is the victim of the 2009 trend of over-straightening your hair. Relatable! Her bitchy sorority sisters have a great time roasting these dresses – she looks like a tree, she’s a Southern belle, her butt looks too big (an insult in 2009).

Obviously she doesn’t buy any of these dresses. In a confessional, Nicole finally reveals that she’s in love with a dress she tried on at home.

Nicole is not what I would call an arbiter of taste.

Thank god Say Yes To The Dress has redeemed itself after the horrible bore that was the last episode. We’re really hitting some classics here. If only they would bring back the Informative Dress Graphic!! I am fighting an outdated, one woman campaign here.

Final Score:

• Bride has a “bridal moment”: +5 for Lauren, +5 for Grace
• Entourage of 5+ people: +3 for Lauren, +3 for Nicole
• Nightmare Bridesmaid(s): +4
• Bride needs a dress in under 2 months: +7
• Manager Intervention: +5
• Bride’s budget is over $10,000: +10

Total: 42/100

Let’s hope next week is another solid episode; it promises a dress war over a “religious issue” so I guess we will find out! Bye beautiful!