This was a real dud of an episode, so I’m going to make this quick. We begin with a staff meeting, where Randy is showing the consultants a powerpoint presentation about the trends he saw on the runway that year.
The consultants could not care less. This is only relevant because it’s blowout sale time and they’re clearing the old dresses out for the new ones.
Our first bride is Jessica and she is marrying a man whose name is Fame. This mostly results in a series of comical interviews where she is crying and talking about how much she loves Fame. TLC, thank you. Jessica likes trumpet style dresses but she’s open to “whatever” for her Boca wedding.
Jessica’s gimmick is that she made “score cards” for her entourage to hold up, rating each of her dresses on a scale on 1-5. Jessica proudly tells us that she spent “several minutes” working on them and I believe her.
So anyways, consultant Sarah pulls some options for Jessica and absolutely no one here is impressed.
Dress #1 gets a score of 8/15 from the group, and Dress #2 got a 13/15. Jessica’s only real complaint about the second dress is that she wanted the “flare” to start higher up her hips. As far as I can tell, that is the only meaningful difference between mermaid and trumpet.
Sarah, a glorious genius, pulls the final dress.
Everyone immediately starts to cry, Jessica’s mom loses her mind (pictured), and we’ve got a bridal moment.
Our next bride is Holly, who is getting married for the second time after her first marriage ended badly. She is getting married on a beach and wants something simple and understated, but isn’t quite sure what that means for her.
Holly brought eight people with her: her nieces, her mom, her sister-in-law, and her best friend. On it’s face, this is an insane decision, but everyone is incredibly nice and supportive of Holly.
Holly has Randy and Audrey as her co-consultants, and they are eager and excited to find her the perfect dress. They decide to bet an apple martini – yep! this was filmed in 2009 – on whoever pulls the perfect dress for her.
Randy pulls the first dress, which is roundly rejected from her entourage. Audrey pulls the second dress, which – to everyone’s surprise – Holly falls in love with. Even Randy agrees that she looks amazing in it. Holly starts to cry.
We love a happy ending! She seems so sweet.
Finally, we have a blip of an alterations bride, who is on-screen for maybe 90 seconds total.
Lydia Sekyiamah is basically only here since she bought her dress at last years blowout sale. The omniscient narrator lets us know that she purchased the $3,400 dress for only $2,000. Lydia is thrilled. Okay!
Finally, it’s time for the blowout sale. We get a lot of consultants talking about the fact that there are way less people here than last year, and Dorothy discussing the recession having an impact on sales.
Dorothy gets quite anxious about the lack of sales, while Randy catches someone trying to stuff a wedding gown in her purse (“she said she must have mistaken it for her coat.”) The sale ends with 48 dresses sold in 3 hours. I have zero metric on if that is good or bad, but it doesn’t seem amazing.
So that episode wasn’t great.
Final Score:
- Entourage of 5+ people: +3 points
- Bridal moment: +5 for Jessica, +5 for Holly
Total: 13/100
God I hope next week’s episode is better. Bye beautiful!
