Rating: 2.5 out of 10.

I spent some time back in episode five trying to figure out if Say Yes To The Dress was giving Claudia a redemption arc or not, and I am pleased to say that I still have no goddamn idea. She’s definitely getting a slightly more sympathetic edit. It’s as if the editors got a note from TLC that they made Claudia completely unlikable and are trying frantically to backpedal because she isn’t “testing well.”

However, the Claudia curse strikes again. We have yet another episode where no one says yes to the dress. I understand that TLC hasn’t quite figured out the formula for this show yet, but come on! That’s literally the title!

Our first bride is down in alterations with Nicole, and her entire family is having an enormous meltdown. You see, her dad Tony is convinced that Pnina Tornai made his daughter the wrong dress and he is about to raise hell.

Nicole starts by putting Giustina in the sample dress, so Pnina can see why they fell in love with the dress. Tony gets up and inserts himself into the appointment, explaining the very specific aspects of the fit that they like, and the soft antique color of the gown.

The entire family starts laying into Pnina as soon as Giustina puts on the dress that was made for her. It’s too bright white, the torso is too long, the fit is off. Pnina patiently tells them that can all be fixed in alterations, but Tony is looking for heads to roll. He thinks that Pnina took their pain “too lightly” and is convinced that they sent the wrong dress. Pnina tells them that they will make the requested changes to Giustina’s dress, and call them back for a second fitting when the work is done.

Meanwhile, Claudia has another chance to prove that she isn’t totally terrible at her job.

Melissa is look for an a-line dress for her formal Italian wedding. She’s got an unlimited budget, and brought her mother and grandmother shopping with her. Her grandmother, who used to be a seamstress, is insistent that Melissa wears a dress with a sleeve. Claudia starts out with a few simple dresses that doesn’t wow anyone, and then puts Melissa in a dress with a small cap sleeve.

No one likes the dress. Unfortunately for Claudia, Elise happens to walk by and sees how unhappy Melissa is.

Elise, sensing that Claudia is on track to lose yet another sale, decides to intervene in the appointment. She immediately picks one of the dresses in Melissa’s dressing room for her to try next. Claudia is upset at her, because she was saving that gown for the end of the appointment, but acquiesces anyways.

Everyone loves the dress on her. Grandma and mom both start to cry, and Elise is thrilled that Claudia has finally closed a sale. She leaves to go help another bride… and then the Claudia curse strikes again. Melissa gets cold feet and decides that she needs to think about it before she can buy it. Claudia gives them a few minutes to discuss and goes to find Elise, to break the news that she’s probably not going to make the sale.

I hate this. This scene is forcing me to be on Claudia’s side. It’s clear that this is a situation where she is not actually at fault, and she legitimately was paired with a bride that wasn’t ready to commit. I’m positive that Claudia’s appointments are all taped for the show. I’m assuming that they chose to air this one to provide evidence for her argument that she keeps getting unlucky with her appointments. Which brings me back to my original point: what are we supposed to feel about Claudia? Is she a terrible consultant or the victim of terrible luck?

Say Yes To The Dress can’t decide how it feels about her – or more likely, what test audiences think about her – and it keeps changing its mind.

We get a brief interlude with another alterations bride, and she’s here for her final fitting. Nicole describes herself as an intense Italian girl, the youngest of four and the only daughter in her family. Even though Nicole had a budget when shopping, her mother tells us – very emotionally – that “you can’t put a prize on a wedding dress” and admits that they spent more than they had planned. Nicole has five people in her entourage, and they’re already halfway to tears.

Everyone begins crying as soon as they see her. This is, I think, one of the better dresses from this season. The bodice is simple enough that I almost don’t mind the crumpled-paper skirt that continues to haunt my dreams. I am, however, horrified by the gloves.

And we’ve come full circle, with Giustina coming back for her final fitting. The color of the dress has been fixed and the fit is much better. Even her father Tony begrudgingly approves.

Final Score:

  • Designer cameo – +5 points
  • Manager intervention – +5 points
  • Entourage of 5 or more people – +3 points
  • Bride has a “bridal moment” – +5 points for Nicole. I know she didn’t technically say yes to a dress, but she and her entire family cried so I’m counting it.
  • Bride goes $1K+ over her budget – +7 points

Total: 25/100

Bye beautiful! See you soon for the season one finale!

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