Original air date: 09/18/2009
I’m gonna keep it real with y’all: this episode was incredibly boring. Even though I watch this show with a religious fervor, with a dedication to examining Say Yes To The Dress as a metatextual commentary on American consumerism, sometimes there just isn’t a lot of there there.
We get a new consultant, someone who I have zero memory of and absolutely doesn’t make a lasting impact on the show. Meet Jessica!
Jessica has moved to New York from Chicago, where she worked as a bridal consultant. According to Nicole, Jessica has already lost her phone in a cab. Things are going well!
Jessica’s first bride is Mirjana Podrascanin, who is getting married in Serbia in 3 weeks and needs a dress.
According to Mirjana, she’s been too busy working and skiing to go dress shopping until now, when she suddenly realized that she needed one. Okay girlie! Jessica is already facing an uphill battle: she doesn’t know the stock and she needs to sell a sample dress that Mirjana can leave with today.
That doesn’t help!!!!!
Mirjana wants something slinky and sexy, and Jessica – spoiler – forgets to check with Dorothy about what she can, and cannot, sell as a sample.
This entire appointment is CURSED. It takes Jessica and Mirjana, conservatively, thirty minutes to figure out how to get Dress #3 on (and it turns out she couldn’t sell that one as a sample anyways). Jessica steps on and rips the train of Dress #2. Mirjana gets STUCK in Dress #4 and Jessica almost has to cut her out of it, but Dorothy the “Zipper Queen” manages to free her. At different points, Dorothy, Randy, AND Joan all have to intervene.
Needless to say, Mirjana doesn’t leave with a dress. Good luck with that wedding you speak of!
Next, we’ve got Akilah, who is paired with the incredibly professional and competent consultant Sarah. Akilah has fallen in love with Sarah’s wedding dress, which she saw on the show. Let’s go ahead and figure out what the issue is here:
BABE!!!! Surely this is going to go well. Sarah, a consummate professional, makes sure to pull several cheaper dresses for Akilah to try on as well.
Akilah, of course, falls in love with the dress that is literally twice has budget. She pulls her entourage of five (5) people back into the fitting room with her and tries to get them to talk her into buying the dress/helping her pay for it.
Meanwhile, Sarah has gone to Joan to see how they can help. Joan pulls out her Calculator of Truth™ and works out the cost of the dress if they apply the trunk show promotion:
Bringing the cost down to $9,900 closes the sale. Great job to Sarah!
Finally, we have consultant Keasha with wedding planner bride Bethany Lester.
Keasha starts the appointment like she always does, by asking the bride how she wants to see herself on her wedding day. Bethany starts to answer, but is immediately talked over by her sister-in-law/wedding planner, Katie.
Katie tells Keasha that it’s a lake wedding, so they want something simple and casual that can be accessorized to be a little more black-tie for the reception. Once again, no one on this show knows what words mean.
Bethany’s mom (also a wedding planner!!!!!) is also there and is paying for the dress.
Keasha puts Bethany in two dresses, and she immediately falls in love with the second one.
Slinky! I like it! Her family is not IMMEDIATELY sold, so Keasha grabs Nicole to help sell them on it. Ten minutes and six distinct uses of “wow factor” later, she says yes to the dress.
Final Score:
- Entourage of 5+ people: +3 points
- Bride has a “bridal moment”: +5 for Akilah, +5 for Bethany
- Bride needs a dress in under 2 months: +7
- Bride wants to be sexy: +3 points
- Manager intervention: +5 for Dorothy, +5 for Joan, +5 for Randy, +5 for Nicole
- Bride goes $1,000+ over budget: +7 points
Total: 50/100
Bye beautiful!
